months has passed.......

well... i am back after been missing for months well i have not been missin actually juz tat didnt write anythin here oni n not as if u ppl out ther wud read tis often.. n workin life kind of sux n especially wen u r workin shift! yur days n nites r all mixed up n u also dunno wen u r suppose to eat.. hehe.. well tat doesnt matter to me tat much tat is... juz tat i dun like the idea of weekend workin n rest days not certain at all.. sigh.. cant go much stuff like tis.. but then wat to do.. who ask me to be tis useless n oh yea.. i ended up wif tis job.. well all i can say it is better than none n i dun have to complain abt not havin a job although it sux but the ppl ther r okies.. so i guess it is alrite i think.. for now untill i get a better job.. hmphs! so lil pay.. anyways nothin else is new abt me also.. stil the same old boring me.. yups.. how can my life get any better anyway.. sigh...........

sigh.. i am goin to the workin world soon.. haha.. but wif SO LIL PAY.. tat is the oni thing tat pisses me off.. how can u pay sumwan to lil man.. fuckin cruel i tell u.. but wat to do.. mite as well work 1st... like bloodly hell i got a choice like tat.. been back from a tiring wedding man.. didnt know my culture wedding take so long u know.. n it was tiring n i didnt do anythin also.. but the best part was.. u alwiz get to drink! haha.. how fun is tat.. well it was nice thou.. anyway 7 days n counting before all hell break lose for me.. hehe.. anyways i am lazy to write also.. talk to u at nite then.. hahah..

hmm.. thinkin.. hmm...

hmm.. so wat is the sotry morning glory! wat is wat n wat is not?? hmm.. all the world i seen passing me by.. are things u see really wat they are or are they not.. hmm... all is all these abt anyway.. i seriously dunno also.. hmm.. kind of nice sittin in a dark room n juz writin crap of wat u think.. hehe... well mabbe not everythin u think u wud wanna say it out rite.. sumthing u juz better be left alone rite.. hehe.. hmm.. yeah it been sum time since i have writen stuff here but then like any bothers to read it rite.. hehe.. well i dunno also sumtimes.. sumtimes wat u keep thinkin abt wen u know ther isnt any use in it.. but y do u still keep thinkin abt it.. i guess people r like tat rite.. well i remember sumwan told me y keep wonderin wen u dunno or if u do y bother.. i think we do tat cos sumtime we think wat wud it be like IF? it is like the chinese sayin tat if u know, if know then there wun be beggars around rite.. haha.. kind of like a killer sayin.. mean i guess we sudnt look behind at all or juz move ahead oni i dun care or even bother abt the pass.. but it is from the pass tat we know where we did wrong n sudnt follow back the same mistake if u dun look back n learn wat is the point of u keep movin on wen u will repeat the same mistake all over again rite.. or am i wrong in sayin tis.. well i guess different ppl have different way of thinkin rite.. it is how u look at it.. like look at the pass but dun keep thinkin abt it i think.. i mean see wat have u done in the pass n then go ahead know u wan better things in life.. is ther really better things in life? of cos everybody or anybody wud wan so.. how is better things in life for different ppl r different for other ppl.. actually i dunno y am i talkin abt tis also.. kind of out of topic huh.. yeah i guess so.. but whose cares.. hehe.. no wan i guess.. n yeah it has been a boring week or weeks for me.. still no sign of a job in hand.. how sad is tat.. sumtimes u do wonder do u really sux tat much or izit juz plain bad luck for u... but y me? y?? haha.. or izit not.. hmm.... sigh.. u muz be thinkin i am desperate to get a job.. well yes i am.. n tat is not the oni thing on my mind okie.. ther is lots more i am thinkin abt.. which sumtimes i think i sudnt also.. cos i keep gettin the same remarks abt it.. haha.. stupid rite.. well i am also thinkin of gettin the hell out of here.. wanna be on my own.. my way on the highway.. sigh... come on la.. can sum miserable ass juz interview me n hire me for god sake! cant anywan gimme a chance.. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............ sigh.. well i guess the truth is the world is cruel.. very very cruel.. sigh... n untill now i still dun see my lucky turning any better.. cny is nearin soon also.. sigh.. i hate it.. i tot it wud get better rite.. hmm.. well let the happy things flow for now.. y bother to think so much abt it.. cos it doesnt help also.. hmm.. i think most ppl wud be writin abt wat they have been doin but then i am writin abt wat i have been thinkin all these while so better write abt wat i have been doin.. well i get up then online n chat n talk rubbish then c wat is ther to do around the house.. as usual before my mum returns from skool.. then offline before tat well mabbe juz hide in my room or juz go out n yum char of sumthin but then the wheather here has been very very hot! yeah.. u cant even take a evening nap.. u wud get up sweatin.. i regret takin tat nap.. haha.. then dinner time.. n then see wat is ther to do.. whether go out or not.. if i did in the afternoon i wun go out at nite.. if i dun go out.. i wud be hidin in my room as usual.. then.. wait till mum is sleepin again n online.. haha.. then sleep.. soooooooooo rutin... so boring.. bring me back to life! haha.. well i guess today was okie i think... i went out few times.. cos it was really fcukin boring at home.. n rather not be at home to get scoldin for nothin.. yea yea.. i am a wasted of money.. i guess i am.. wasted sperm also.. sigh... but rite now i think i wanna look for part time job.. i dun think i have a choice.. since i am sooooooooooo useless n all.. y bother stayin at home n be an eye sore.. rite.. sigh... dunno le.. filial son huh.. nah.... not fit to be one.. mabbe my bro can.. me.. nvr.. haha... i sound bad rite.. mabbe i do but then not to say i dun wan to be.. but i guess i cant at the moment.. i dunno also.. mabbe it is the way it is suppose to be or anything.. sigh.. anyway feel like stopin here adi.. lazy to keep typin sumore..

sleepless

not really sleepless today but i was yesterday.. can u believe tis.. me sleepless.. sounds like not true huh but then i happens oni wen er.. my mind is unstable or uneasy abt sumthin.. well it has not been the 1st time it happen adi.. i mean recently tat is... haha.. u r probably thinkin hmm.. wat is wrong then.. haha.. well nothin much really.. juz tat it feels tat i am kind of stupid or pushy or er.. dunno also.. buggy.. persistant izit so.. dun think so man.. haha.. but seriously i was happy tat i was able to sleep today.. hehe.. sumthin to be thankfull.. well i guess if ther is anything wrong or u not happy wif sumwan.. sumtimes it is better to keep it to yurself! serious shit man.. y tell then ther other person like not happy ar.. so not happy then.. y bother talkin to me.. er.. i mean wat the fuck does tat mean.. i was tryin to be honest wat.. sigh.. honestly is a bullshit u know! nobody actually wan u to be honest at all but juz wan to hear nice things abt themselves.. yes.. it is a selfish world out ther.. haha.. then if u r honest they wud be like izit.. okie then i wud change or u dun like dun like la.. sigh.. how the world is.. seriously nothin is wat it seems to be anymore.. sigh.. n i think i did a record today again.. i didnt go out... wow.. sumthin to be proud of man.. haha.. if i dun go out again 2mrrw wow.. i think the world wud have gone hay wire! haha.. hmm.. i think i have been layin down on my bed for lots of hours adi.. kind of like pondering over stuff while merajukin like tat.. now wat is more worst than a guy who is merajukin.. haha.. lucky i am not.. i said kind of like.. but mostly was thinking abt lots of stuff.. n it does give a headache u know n those weird weird feelin u get.. n i seriously dunno y.. my head seems to spin! i am not drunk or wat rite.. y spinning man? hmm.. n ther was like tis qtion in my head it is like how come suddenly sumwan who do care for u well not really care la.. but does bother abt u le.. suddenly it is like u dun seem to matter to them anymore! i mean suddenly i was like nothin to tat person adi.. it really feels weird u know! mabbe ppl changes n things changes.. or mabbe it is not wat it is anymore.. er.. tis i seriously dunno cos i am not tat person rite.. well wat can i say... it is juz sad u know.. sigh.. dun think u know wat i mean also.. n was kind of frustrated n pissed today also cos i got scoldin for my grannie for nothing! i did wat she ask me too n ask her she said yeah.. then today she said no.. wat the hell??!?! sigh.. i dunno.. nothin seems to be smooth goin for me anymore.. er.. was it ever smooth goin ar? been hiding in my room quite a lot le nowadays.. i think serious shit of depression man.. haha.. then u know wat i heard if it goes on like tis u wud end up killin yurself! but then i aint so stupid to do so.. i think.. well ther is more to life then tis rite.. i hope i am rite.. still waitin to be loved wat! hmm... n if a person ask u to ignore them do they really mean it.. or wat.. i also dunno le... lots of shit goin thru my head now.. dun wanna think abt it anymore adi.. so wanna end now......

a lil white lie goes a long way

hmm.. if u dunno wat tat means well i do.. sigh.. if we r suppose to be frens then wud tat mean u sudnt lie to me rite.. if am correct... but guess not.. ther is another sayin it is cruel to be kind! yea.. i guess tat is wat all tis is abt.. i am kind of piss rite now.. but then not really piss but kind of sad actually dunno le.. juz mix of feelings.. u cant really hate sumwan u love rite.. i think tat is wat i have in mind but u do get pissed of.. really it the feeelin tat sigh.. no matter wat u r still no correct or wat la.. i dun really know la.. fuck la.. sumtimes things juz aint wat is seems le.. i dunno la.. i mean today i really sound crazy like tat.. i mean it really feels like it.. serious if u were to know sumthin tat u werent suppose to know n if it was a bad news or mabbe a lie.. u wud get angry rite.. but wat if tat sumwan is the wan u have feelings for.. then wat now.. pissed yes.. angry kua.. dun care abt her.. nope.. i guess i cant.. juz better becarefull abt wat i have to say adi now.. i think dunno le.. things wen r easy seem so hard but wen it get a bit more complicated it really is! like wat the fuck man! i also duno le.. sigh.. wonder wat is the to life wen nothin is as straight forwards n everythin is so hard n nothin seems easy anymore.. i mean y suffer so much to live tis kind of life.. u dun really get satisfaction out of it rite.. sigh.. i dunno also.. i serious am like in a blur kind of state but not tat kind of blur wen u get up.. if u know wat i mean... nah.. nobody does.. so wat now.. let it be.. or wat.. duno le.. shall i still care for here or not.. i also dunno.. but sumhow i feel like i still will even thou tis happened! sigh.. c how stupid can sumwan get! sigh.. but then it happened also dun really matter rite.. i mean.. does changes things or does it.. or was i juz a fool! i also dunno... nothin seems to make sense wen it is suppose.. i guess tat is wat life is abt.. senseless things n things we dun wanan know but we do know! hmm.. wat man.. so crapy man me.. sigh.. wish i cud go to sleep but i cant.. really am thinkin abt wat is goin on.. i mean sigh.. wat is the used le.. i also dunno.. fuck it le.. go lay down n c wat happen le.. life continue to suck even more than i have to admit it!

aimless

life seems to lifeless sumthin n is so boring n it is like nothin make sense at all n things dun really matter much to u but sumtimes it does.. but the truth is u oni get to live yur life once.. so y not make the full use of it.. i mean y regret later abt things u nvr did n wanted to do.. wen we r old we wud have look back at our pass n think.. i wonder.. or wat if.. i mean yes.. althou now we still do wonder n qtion abt wat if.. who doesnt.. seriously people do.. but then least we know we did wat we cud n all we wanted to do has been done.. well i dun mean u muz try drugs rite.. but then sum ppl say we muz try everythin n ther is alwiz a 1st time.. yeah ther is alwiz a 1st time but tat doesnt mean u can kill ppl or rob or rape or watever which in illegal n not rite.. u know wat i mean.. i mean things tat wanted to try like ear rings.. long hair.. race.. er.. illegal i know.. er.. u get the picture i think.. hehe... well serious ppl do say life yur life to the fulless but wat is the fullest? izit being happy or juz content wif yurself or juz being around to know wat is goin on the world.. i mean how do u consider fullest is.. well i think many ppl has different ideas n yes.. many ppl things differently so does tis means fullest in one person is different from another person's fullest in mind.. hhmm.. seems complicated rite.. but guess wat.. life is complicated nothin is easy n nothin come to u the way u wan it.. it juz life in nvr meant to be easy or nice in any way but it is if u think abt it... u do enjoy yurself at time but then somehow it seems rather unfair too.. hmm.. think i am talkin a bunch of bullshit here.. haha.. i guess i am... i really know y.. there r things u keep wonderin n thinkin abt but no matter wat u do or dun do it doesnt really work.. it is like it wun make a different at all if u get wat i mean.. er.. i dun think u do.. cos i dun think i am makin any sense at all.. hmm.. i think i am gettin from bad to worst.. haha.. nothin i am sayin seems to make sense but it really does it u get it.. hmm.. well in a way it does.. nevermind abt it then.. today is the 4.. 4 day into the new year.. but i dun see my luck changin at all.. i serious dunno wat the fuck is happenin to me.. i think i was curse u know.. mabbe i am... sigh.. n there r things no matter how u dun wanna think abt it u still do.. sigh.. hmm.. it sound like i am full wif problems.. but i dun really think so.. i mean which person out the doesnt really have a problem.. even the rich do.. but of cos it wun be money related.. haha.. sigh.. i think there r time u juz wanna sit alone sumwer n be wif yurself n try to figure out wat is wat actually n were r we suppose to be or suppose to be doin.. it juz feels tat way but then it doesnt help at all.. haha.. anyway i am lazy to type adi.. so i wud be signin out abt it.. till we meet again.. haha.. damn gay man... haha

2004

hmm.. for all i know 2004 was a bad year for me.. well i do think it was a bad year for me le.. er.. seriously it is.. failed my final sem n have to retake another sem.. then tat sem also i didnt do well oni got a damn 3 rd clz.. wat the fuck man! 3rd clz.. wat a loser man... then my invesments was all a flop! i mean really a flop! nothin is smooth for me man.. then was out of love! as well.. er.. duno man.. it seems like i was goin thru so damn hard n bumpy road.. which keeps winding n it new seems to be good at all.. well mabbe juz a bit bit b4 the next turn comes u n go straight down.. haha.. sounds bad huh.. sigh.. but wat do i know.. i guess u can say mabbe ppl out ther is worst than me.. but y muz we alwiz compare wif the worst n not the better wans.. like he is doin good le wan cant i be like him.. hmm.. mabbe i guess it makes a feel better in 1 way or another wen we compare ourselves to the worst wans.. mabbe i does.. but then i dun feel any better also wat.. rite.. i mean it is wat is it.. u cant blame it.. life is like tat.. it suxs.. n u have to live wif it.. nothin is easy in life n it wun get any easy rite.. haha.. well but then wen i c other ppl it is like they r gettin it easier than me.. mabbe it is juz the outer look rite.. who knows.. i guess nobody really know abt everything.. but now it is 2005 adi.. so lets hope for a better year! haha but my mum said it wud be a bad year for the chickens.. n laz year was a better year.. aiks.. better year for me.. wow.. then i guess tis year wud be like hell for me.. haha.. die man.. well juz hope everything goes well... seriously hope it is.. haha juz get reminded tat wen ppl say tis is not so bad then things really got worst! wow.. not a good situation to be in.. haha... eh how come i dun have new year resolution wan.. hm... does it really works ar.. i dun think so man.. juz sum cover up to make us prove to ourselves tat we wan sumthin good in our lifes but we cant seem to do it.. so y bother.. haha.. yeah wat.. i mean u know u wun do it..juz to make it out so tat u tried it n it didnt work, it makes u feel better huh.. haha.. people can be so lame sumtimes.. i guess i am also lame rite.. if not y am i doin this.. lame sucky! haha now tis is really stupid.. callin yurself lame n sucky.. no wonder nothin is good for me man... haha.. hmm.. dunno la.. juz hope tat 2005 is good for me.. tat is all.. dun wanna expect so much adi.. the more u expect the more dissapointed u get.. it is juz like tis.. haha.. sux huh.. yeah.. dun really wanna write too long cos i feel like sleepin adi now.. quite sleepy actually but juz tot tat i mite finish this up then go to sleep.. well.. wat r my concerns now.. work.. yeah... gettin a job.. next wud be er.. my investments.. er.. no le.. i think wud be me out of love.. haha.. nope i am not talkin abt gettin myself another target but er.. haha.. need i say more... u guess yurself... sigh.. cos i guess mainly wud be me gettin a job ASAP.. then get marnee n a place to stay.. investments also depends on me gettin a job.. so i think JOB!! oni is the main target now.. haha.. n as for out of love.. er.. let things take it place.. y bother so much abt it rite.. hehe... i think so.. haha.. dunno la.. juz think of gettin a job wud be enuff la.. k then.. i know i main thing is job.. tat is all.. bubye! can sleep now...