stepping on..

hmm.. do u realise something as we go along with our everyday life.. we get to know more, we experience more, we learn more, we see more and many more.. it is how you see things as they are and how do u take as it goes.. it may be hard but heck we have to.. what choice do we have anyways.. not to say we were born rich and spoil so go along as it goes try to make the best of it when it comes.. complaining wunt get u nowhere, angry wunt get u heard.. it is just sometimes the way things are.. and you of cos must try every way to make it work for u.. seriously sometimes you see why are some people so well off and doing so well and what has they got that u dont have.. i seriously dont know.. but i guess they had the change and the will to prove and try to make things right from them.. if you do by all means.. hahah.. a bit on the thinking side today.. nothing much just happy that i am finally able to move on and get another better offer... yippie horray.. but there are things that is still wonder of cos people wonder if not.. why do people always ask where do you see yourself few years down the road.. how the heck should i know.. if only i knew then wunt things be very different now.. i mean we do plans things but whether it work out or not.. who knows.. of cos people say it is up to u whether you want to make it happen or not.. but if it doesnt?!??!! then how.. shit happens, mess happens.. nothing is for certain.. who wunt want the best i mean everybody wants the best.. but not everybody gets the best.. u know what i mean.. yeah.. life goes on.. take it as it comes..

older yet still the same..

i am older yet it still feels the same... nothing has change or nothing feels different.. it has been a boring few months... go to work wait for time to pass then wait till 6 for work to finish and go back home and then everyday is the same.. from monday we wait till friday or maybe saturday for the weekend yet it passes by so damn fast... sigh.. do u notice that your frens always get better than u and u still stuck at where u are.. it is just weird i tell u.. i does tell u something that u better do something with your life before u are far far away behind.. hehe.. or mabbe u it says u are a bit useless.. haha... well mabbe my time hasnt come or mabbe nobody believes in this crap.. i truly dunno what to believe.. but always hoping for the best to come and more to come..
anyways enough about this crap.. i feel like everything is passing by so fast and u dun really know what is going on sometimes.. i feel like there is so much to do yet like there is nothing to do.. it just feels funny i tell u.. or mabbe i am just a weird person... hehe.. oh ya.. birthdays are like any other days... it pass by just like that and u end up doing nothing at all.. sigh... well i dun really mind but i some people do feel it is important, well i guess so as it is the day were u are getting older and should be more mature and to see things more clearly.. well it is suppose to be that day.. so by that i end it for now..

at some point

i think at some point of something like that.. u realize that things are not as simple as it seems and that so many things are just liars behind liars.. and you are wondering what am i crapping about.. nothing much really just something happen around my work place and those rumours that starts to surface but you wouldnt know what is real and what is not.. it seems to me that being up there isnt as easy as it seems... and do wish to be up there.. but just how.. hmm.. nevermind.. i also dun understand so why bother.. sigh.. it is things you get to know and things u start to think why we small potatoes are around for.. maybe it is for them to play around with or maybe they need us in order to keep it going.. and other things u heard from other frens and people around seems to keep pulling yourself down.. sigh.. i dont think any of you will understand what am i trying to say.. well i dun really also cos maybe i am quite sleepy and just feel like writing some crap out here.. lets just say i have gotten to know things which are happening quite true cos maybe it is not avoidable or not want to be avoid.. hehe.. of cos why the heck show avoid.. benefits are good and u will know that you can never be to careful as anybody near u will stab you in the back.. haha.. few lesson u learn in the process of working and growing up..
the rest seems alrite for now i think so.. nothing much i can complain as i know if i dont move on.. i cant keep myself ahead.. so.. fingers crossed and hoping for a better outcome...

may i more on..

nothin much have been happening lately but sumthin i was sure happy about is that Milan kick Man Utd out of Champions league!! YES! at last the man utd fans can be so arrogant.. they were out class by Milan.. totally shut down.. no chance at all... wow.. milan is really really that good.. and of cos I dun mind Liverpool goin to the final rather than Chelsea.. but I do hope Liverpool lose.. hehe.. well I know it sounds bad but Milan was really great yesterday I dun think Man utd can complain.. look at how they play man.. nice tackle nice passing.. but yes they are really old.. haha.. like the chinese saying older the ginger, the spicer the ginger.. haha.. anyways there it is all about footie..
hmm... there was this funny incident that happen.. i was out with my chick.. then while we were walking when I saw this gal who was once on the gal I admire.. haha it is weird that my chick knows her.. then they just chatted a while and my chick intro her to me.. how weird and funny is that.. i seriously find it funny.. well rite now I am thinking about my future.. seriously i really think it is about time for me to look ahead rather than just bumming around and let the days go by while doing nothing at all.. but then wen and how do i start.. Now that is the question... so i guess i am stuck here again.. sigh..

thinks u ponder about..

nothing much... just some comments about upper management that i heard which quite dun make sense to me or mabbe it is not gettin thru to me.. i really dunno i guess it is suppose to hint something to me because it was told me to.. hmm.. i guess there is more to learn then wat meets the eye.. but then i guess sometimes u really feel like you know a lot it is like the feelin you get yourself asking why the fuck cant he think like tat.. haha.. mabbe just sometimes or rarely.. but then i still have a long long way to go.. so i guess i should know more about things then just those i things i work on.. i wonder if you do really get what i mean... nothin much.. just things i keep pondering about often.. seriously i dunno why also.. i just feel do down and hardly anymore heart left in the my work anyways... i just feel like i have to go to work cos i need to not because i really have the heart.. dun feelin or whatsoever.. so unmotivated .. i wanna start somethin new.. i new challenges in life... in work.. i wanna know more.. i wan more.. i learn so much to be stuck just like that.. i am still young.. there so much more out there for me to know and see.. i want than just this.. i really want.. but the question now.. IS CAN I?? sigh...

watever will be will be

i dunno or really just give up sumtimes.. it is that hard or it is juz me.. sigh.. my luck havent been good since i came here.. or it is this place.. i really dunno... but it feel nice n homely.. so what can it be.. how now brown cow.. how can things be so bad yet so nice yet i fuckin dunno.. haha... truthly i wanna be happy or watsoever but just that i dunno how things are and it doesnt seem good i guess.. i need to get goin to be sumwer or sumone or .. or wat esle.. fucks... sigh... that is why... i just really dunno.. i really dunno.. n guess.. just let it be then....................

march on...

hello it is me again.. yes i know it has been quite sometime from my laz post.. hehe.. u know me.. being lazy n all.. anyways juz nothin much to say today.. juz quite bored with things... lucky i have my series to help waste my time if not.. i also wunt know how.. juz yesterday only one of my gf's fren got serious drunk and wasted which reminds me of my older days... those days when everythin was still young n naive.. u cud say i will be drunk most of the time wen i am out drinkin wif my frens.. for one it is hell a lot cheaper drinking there so i think that is the reason why... and because u know my frens.. all are drunkard fucks.. hahaa.. nah not complaining but it is a good thing... juz the good old days.. how nice it was.. better than were i am now..
work hasnt been great but still what choice is there.. can some juz quit when not having another better or same offer.. well i am juz scared not be jobless and moneyless.. so i guess there is nothing much to say... but juz to tell u something.. i realise that no matter how well or watever u try to do.. if u dun know how to suck up to yur boss.. it doesnt matter nothing does.. it is how well u sucked up and fuckin polish his shoes.. that is how u are goin up.. dont u ever forget that... somehow i thought things would be different but then i was wrong.. everythin sounds peachy when they want u to work for them.. then only u know u have enter hell! hahah... i guess some of us know that by now.. so lets talk about some more exciting...
wait.. is there anythin more exciting to life? for mine at least.. well today will be last day of chinese new year.. hehe.. means gambling have to stop from today.. of at least it suppose to.. it has been quite a slow one this year.. really it feels like nothin at all just only i had those nice nice holie.. nice food.. yummy.. new year is alwiz about food and ang pau.. thank god i am not married if not there goes those ang pau.. hehe... well.. i guess there is nothing much for me to tell about now.. till i come back...

chritsmas times...

it seems to be more and more boring as years pass by and the way u celebrate things has become so dull and is not longer exciting or maybe it is rather that some people are getting old well maybe still young in heart.. haha.. i wouldnt know so much i guess.. but then it seems so dully and plain this year around.. maybe i guess i was never that happening at all.. well maybe.. but then there comes new year where a new beginning will begin and things may change if u wan it to and it may not depending i guess.. would i want some changes.. i guess so.. changes are good.. rite?? i hope so.. dont u alwiz hear that people will change wen life goes on and it may be for the better or for the worst.. i really dont know.. if u do get better, how is it consider better? better pay? better job? better gf? better house? better attitude? or wat? u tell me? i really dont know.. better towards people? sigh.. things in life is so complicated rite.. i guess so.. nah... juz tryin to crap some rubbish out.. there is lots of things i wonder i guess.. but i think some things can be explain or better let it.. then we wake up the next day and juz let it be and on wif life.. there goes another day.. may a better tomorrow come.. hehe...

the time of the new beginning... i mean new year!

yes yes yes.. i mean the new year is coming around the corner and of cos christmas!! hehe.. hope i will get a present.. not some juz A present.. means i am not greedy u see.. and yes yes i know.. i havent touch this shit for a damn long time.. haha.. months.. well not yet a year so it is a good sign.. actually juz suddenly felt like writing sumthin so juz did.. not to say anybody esle wud read this.. rite.. of cos rite..
actually juz wonderin how long cud sumbody say in the same company doin the same job and the same old shit everyday! isnt it boring! isnt it time for a change! wudnt u dun have the mood or motivation another for improvement? i serious dun know.. i havent work for 2 years also still find the so dead lifeless and no point doin so.. juz that i have too cos i dun i dun get paid hence.. no money to use.. so i guess basicly ppl workin and get stuck in the job cos they dun have any choice!! but then i think ppl wud wan to leave also rite.. i AM FOR SURE goin to leave.. juz that i wonder why also still no damn fuckin interview.. sigh.. i am that bad or juz the market sux or is there any other reason.. i really hope there is.. sigh... still hopefull i guess cos i dun have a choice either rite.. sigh... y wasnt i born in the silver spoon.. it would be better then.. haha.. less worries..
i guess everythin else is still find for me.. although i need to get sum saving goin before i fuckin spend everythin i earn! or mabbe cos the money juz aint enuff.. hahaha.. excuses excuses... i really dont know but it is gettin quite late so i better get sum sleep if not.. u know there rest.. till i write again..

new new new...

sigh... i am suppose to be sleepin rite now but i juz cant or dunno wat the fuck is wrong anyways.. aint life a bitch.. i can be consider workin for 1 year adi.. but yet.. i dunno it is juz like not tat long n not tat short... sum how i have lost the mood for workin or even so the spirit of workin for tat company.. i guess it started few months back.. i juz dunno.. aint life a bitch! isnt tat true.. and i have been throught lots of things even thought most of it isnt mine.. like for instant episode 1.. hahaha.. now episode 2 well if u r thinkin wat the hell is episode 1 or 2 well i know wat it is tat is enuff for me.. and now even better sumwan get whack. and i dun mean whack by the term as in kill but really whack as in hit! yeah... fuckin long story aslo and it aint mine to tell so y bother.. juz bored wif things goin around me.. it is like nothin much nice or good is happening juz bad and sad news oni.. kind of fuck aint it.. yeah.. am i still findin for a new job.. yeah! of cos i fuckin hate the job i am in now although casual dressin to workin is nice but still aint fuckin gettin paid enuff! yeah i know money is important okay or not y do u think we are all workin for anyway? sigh.. fuckin hell dunno.. like so much on my mine but i juz dunno.. and dunno sumhow i got a chick yeah.. can be consider a chick although none of my frens know abt it.. but still i think she is my chick.. sigh.. cant tell ppl also for now.. wow.. fuckin great aint it.. see see.. ther is so much i feel like doin but ther is so lil i can do.. serious i dunno adi.. juz let the days so pass wait for weekend.. enjoy a bit n then work.. for fucks.. sigh.. is ther sumthin more i sud do or need to know.. confused aint i.. nah i dun think so anyways.. juz occupied oni my mind wif things i guess.. i hope so.. well at least i aint in depression or watever deep shit ther is to be.. rite?!?! but really sumtime u think gal really r evil! seriously a lot of shit happen cos of gals.. not to say i am sexist or wat but juz gal can cos the world to go war n ppl dun even know y they r fightin for also.. well not to say gals r bad juz tat powerfull in sum sense.. hmm wondering wat am i gettin at? nah it is okie.. as long as i know wat i am gettin it i think it is alrite.. hehe.. and i am not sayin gals r bad okie.. cos i have a chick.. haha i cant rite.. juz tat.. well i will keep quiet for now.. sigh.. ther goes today.. n tomorrow is here already.. yeah am i know i aint been writin for long but then i juz write today for fucks oni... dun really need to pay attention actually.. juz tryin to get things out.. so sorry if i offended anywan who reads tis.......

months has passed.......

well... i am back after been missing for months well i have not been missin actually juz tat didnt write anythin here oni n not as if u ppl out ther wud read tis often.. n workin life kind of sux n especially wen u r workin shift! yur days n nites r all mixed up n u also dunno wen u r suppose to eat.. hehe.. well tat doesnt matter to me tat much tat is... juz tat i dun like the idea of weekend workin n rest days not certain at all.. sigh.. cant go much stuff like tis.. but then wat to do.. who ask me to be tis useless n oh yea.. i ended up wif tis job.. well all i can say it is better than none n i dun have to complain abt not havin a job although it sux but the ppl ther r okies.. so i guess it is alrite i think.. for now untill i get a better job.. hmphs! so lil pay.. anyways nothin else is new abt me also.. stil the same old boring me.. yups.. how can my life get any better anyway.. sigh...........

sigh.. i am goin to the workin world soon.. haha.. but wif SO LIL PAY.. tat is the oni thing tat pisses me off.. how can u pay sumwan to lil man.. fuckin cruel i tell u.. but wat to do.. mite as well work 1st... like bloodly hell i got a choice like tat.. been back from a tiring wedding man.. didnt know my culture wedding take so long u know.. n it was tiring n i didnt do anythin also.. but the best part was.. u alwiz get to drink! haha.. how fun is tat.. well it was nice thou.. anyway 7 days n counting before all hell break lose for me.. hehe.. anyways i am lazy to write also.. talk to u at nite then.. hahah..

hmm.. thinkin.. hmm...

hmm.. so wat is the sotry morning glory! wat is wat n wat is not?? hmm.. all the world i seen passing me by.. are things u see really wat they are or are they not.. hmm... all is all these abt anyway.. i seriously dunno also.. hmm.. kind of nice sittin in a dark room n juz writin crap of wat u think.. hehe... well mabbe not everythin u think u wud wanna say it out rite.. sumthing u juz better be left alone rite.. hehe.. hmm.. yeah it been sum time since i have writen stuff here but then like any bothers to read it rite.. hehe.. well i dunno also sumtimes.. sumtimes wat u keep thinkin abt wen u know ther isnt any use in it.. but y do u still keep thinkin abt it.. i guess people r like tat rite.. well i remember sumwan told me y keep wonderin wen u dunno or if u do y bother.. i think we do tat cos sumtime we think wat wud it be like IF? it is like the chinese sayin tat if u know, if know then there wun be beggars around rite.. haha.. kind of like a killer sayin.. mean i guess we sudnt look behind at all or juz move ahead oni i dun care or even bother abt the pass.. but it is from the pass tat we know where we did wrong n sudnt follow back the same mistake if u dun look back n learn wat is the point of u keep movin on wen u will repeat the same mistake all over again rite.. or am i wrong in sayin tis.. well i guess different ppl have different way of thinkin rite.. it is how u look at it.. like look at the pass but dun keep thinkin abt it i think.. i mean see wat have u done in the pass n then go ahead know u wan better things in life.. is ther really better things in life? of cos everybody or anybody wud wan so.. how is better things in life for different ppl r different for other ppl.. actually i dunno y am i talkin abt tis also.. kind of out of topic huh.. yeah i guess so.. but whose cares.. hehe.. no wan i guess.. n yeah it has been a boring week or weeks for me.. still no sign of a job in hand.. how sad is tat.. sumtimes u do wonder do u really sux tat much or izit juz plain bad luck for u... but y me? y?? haha.. or izit not.. hmm.... sigh.. u muz be thinkin i am desperate to get a job.. well yes i am.. n tat is not the oni thing on my mind okie.. ther is lots more i am thinkin abt.. which sumtimes i think i sudnt also.. cos i keep gettin the same remarks abt it.. haha.. stupid rite.. well i am also thinkin of gettin the hell out of here.. wanna be on my own.. my way on the highway.. sigh... come on la.. can sum miserable ass juz interview me n hire me for god sake! cant anywan gimme a chance.. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............ sigh.. well i guess the truth is the world is cruel.. very very cruel.. sigh... n untill now i still dun see my lucky turning any better.. cny is nearin soon also.. sigh.. i hate it.. i tot it wud get better rite.. hmm.. well let the happy things flow for now.. y bother to think so much abt it.. cos it doesnt help also.. hmm.. i think most ppl wud be writin abt wat they have been doin but then i am writin abt wat i have been thinkin all these while so better write abt wat i have been doin.. well i get up then online n chat n talk rubbish then c wat is ther to do around the house.. as usual before my mum returns from skool.. then offline before tat well mabbe juz hide in my room or juz go out n yum char of sumthin but then the wheather here has been very very hot! yeah.. u cant even take a evening nap.. u wud get up sweatin.. i regret takin tat nap.. haha.. then dinner time.. n then see wat is ther to do.. whether go out or not.. if i did in the afternoon i wun go out at nite.. if i dun go out.. i wud be hidin in my room as usual.. then.. wait till mum is sleepin again n online.. haha.. then sleep.. soooooooooo rutin... so boring.. bring me back to life! haha.. well i guess today was okie i think... i went out few times.. cos it was really fcukin boring at home.. n rather not be at home to get scoldin for nothin.. yea yea.. i am a wasted of money.. i guess i am.. wasted sperm also.. sigh... but rite now i think i wanna look for part time job.. i dun think i have a choice.. since i am sooooooooooo useless n all.. y bother stayin at home n be an eye sore.. rite.. sigh... dunno le.. filial son huh.. nah.... not fit to be one.. mabbe my bro can.. me.. nvr.. haha... i sound bad rite.. mabbe i do but then not to say i dun wan to be.. but i guess i cant at the moment.. i dunno also.. mabbe it is the way it is suppose to be or anything.. sigh.. anyway feel like stopin here adi.. lazy to keep typin sumore..

sleepless

not really sleepless today but i was yesterday.. can u believe tis.. me sleepless.. sounds like not true huh but then i happens oni wen er.. my mind is unstable or uneasy abt sumthin.. well it has not been the 1st time it happen adi.. i mean recently tat is... haha.. u r probably thinkin hmm.. wat is wrong then.. haha.. well nothin much really.. juz tat it feels tat i am kind of stupid or pushy or er.. dunno also.. buggy.. persistant izit so.. dun think so man.. haha.. but seriously i was happy tat i was able to sleep today.. hehe.. sumthin to be thankfull.. well i guess if ther is anything wrong or u not happy wif sumwan.. sumtimes it is better to keep it to yurself! serious shit man.. y tell then ther other person like not happy ar.. so not happy then.. y bother talkin to me.. er.. i mean wat the fuck does tat mean.. i was tryin to be honest wat.. sigh.. honestly is a bullshit u know! nobody actually wan u to be honest at all but juz wan to hear nice things abt themselves.. yes.. it is a selfish world out ther.. haha.. then if u r honest they wud be like izit.. okie then i wud change or u dun like dun like la.. sigh.. how the world is.. seriously nothin is wat it seems to be anymore.. sigh.. n i think i did a record today again.. i didnt go out... wow.. sumthin to be proud of man.. haha.. if i dun go out again 2mrrw wow.. i think the world wud have gone hay wire! haha.. hmm.. i think i have been layin down on my bed for lots of hours adi.. kind of like pondering over stuff while merajukin like tat.. now wat is more worst than a guy who is merajukin.. haha.. lucky i am not.. i said kind of like.. but mostly was thinking abt lots of stuff.. n it does give a headache u know n those weird weird feelin u get.. n i seriously dunno y.. my head seems to spin! i am not drunk or wat rite.. y spinning man? hmm.. n ther was like tis qtion in my head it is like how come suddenly sumwan who do care for u well not really care la.. but does bother abt u le.. suddenly it is like u dun seem to matter to them anymore! i mean suddenly i was like nothin to tat person adi.. it really feels weird u know! mabbe ppl changes n things changes.. or mabbe it is not wat it is anymore.. er.. tis i seriously dunno cos i am not tat person rite.. well wat can i say... it is juz sad u know.. sigh.. dun think u know wat i mean also.. n was kind of frustrated n pissed today also cos i got scoldin for my grannie for nothing! i did wat she ask me too n ask her she said yeah.. then today she said no.. wat the hell??!?! sigh.. i dunno.. nothin seems to be smooth goin for me anymore.. er.. was it ever smooth goin ar? been hiding in my room quite a lot le nowadays.. i think serious shit of depression man.. haha.. then u know wat i heard if it goes on like tis u wud end up killin yurself! but then i aint so stupid to do so.. i think.. well ther is more to life then tis rite.. i hope i am rite.. still waitin to be loved wat! hmm... n if a person ask u to ignore them do they really mean it.. or wat.. i also dunno le... lots of shit goin thru my head now.. dun wanna think abt it anymore adi.. so wanna end now......

a lil white lie goes a long way

hmm.. if u dunno wat tat means well i do.. sigh.. if we r suppose to be frens then wud tat mean u sudnt lie to me rite.. if am correct... but guess not.. ther is another sayin it is cruel to be kind! yea.. i guess tat is wat all tis is abt.. i am kind of piss rite now.. but then not really piss but kind of sad actually dunno le.. juz mix of feelings.. u cant really hate sumwan u love rite.. i think tat is wat i have in mind but u do get pissed of.. really it the feeelin tat sigh.. no matter wat u r still no correct or wat la.. i dun really know la.. fuck la.. sumtimes things juz aint wat is seems le.. i dunno la.. i mean today i really sound crazy like tat.. i mean it really feels like it.. serious if u were to know sumthin tat u werent suppose to know n if it was a bad news or mabbe a lie.. u wud get angry rite.. but wat if tat sumwan is the wan u have feelings for.. then wat now.. pissed yes.. angry kua.. dun care abt her.. nope.. i guess i cant.. juz better becarefull abt wat i have to say adi now.. i think dunno le.. things wen r easy seem so hard but wen it get a bit more complicated it really is! like wat the fuck man! i also duno le.. sigh.. wonder wat is the to life wen nothin is as straight forwards n everythin is so hard n nothin seems easy anymore.. i mean y suffer so much to live tis kind of life.. u dun really get satisfaction out of it rite.. sigh.. i dunno also.. i serious am like in a blur kind of state but not tat kind of blur wen u get up.. if u know wat i mean... nah.. nobody does.. so wat now.. let it be.. or wat.. duno le.. shall i still care for here or not.. i also dunno.. but sumhow i feel like i still will even thou tis happened! sigh.. c how stupid can sumwan get! sigh.. but then it happened also dun really matter rite.. i mean.. does changes things or does it.. or was i juz a fool! i also dunno... nothin seems to make sense wen it is suppose.. i guess tat is wat life is abt.. senseless things n things we dun wanan know but we do know! hmm.. wat man.. so crapy man me.. sigh.. wish i cud go to sleep but i cant.. really am thinkin abt wat is goin on.. i mean sigh.. wat is the used le.. i also dunno.. fuck it le.. go lay down n c wat happen le.. life continue to suck even more than i have to admit it!

aimless

life seems to lifeless sumthin n is so boring n it is like nothin make sense at all n things dun really matter much to u but sumtimes it does.. but the truth is u oni get to live yur life once.. so y not make the full use of it.. i mean y regret later abt things u nvr did n wanted to do.. wen we r old we wud have look back at our pass n think.. i wonder.. or wat if.. i mean yes.. althou now we still do wonder n qtion abt wat if.. who doesnt.. seriously people do.. but then least we know we did wat we cud n all we wanted to do has been done.. well i dun mean u muz try drugs rite.. but then sum ppl say we muz try everythin n ther is alwiz a 1st time.. yeah ther is alwiz a 1st time but tat doesnt mean u can kill ppl or rob or rape or watever which in illegal n not rite.. u know wat i mean.. i mean things tat wanted to try like ear rings.. long hair.. race.. er.. illegal i know.. er.. u get the picture i think.. hehe... well serious ppl do say life yur life to the fulless but wat is the fullest? izit being happy or juz content wif yurself or juz being around to know wat is goin on the world.. i mean how do u consider fullest is.. well i think many ppl has different ideas n yes.. many ppl things differently so does tis means fullest in one person is different from another person's fullest in mind.. hhmm.. seems complicated rite.. but guess wat.. life is complicated nothin is easy n nothin come to u the way u wan it.. it juz life in nvr meant to be easy or nice in any way but it is if u think abt it... u do enjoy yurself at time but then somehow it seems rather unfair too.. hmm.. think i am talkin a bunch of bullshit here.. haha.. i guess i am... i really know y.. there r things u keep wonderin n thinkin abt but no matter wat u do or dun do it doesnt really work.. it is like it wun make a different at all if u get wat i mean.. er.. i dun think u do.. cos i dun think i am makin any sense at all.. hmm.. i think i am gettin from bad to worst.. haha.. nothin i am sayin seems to make sense but it really does it u get it.. hmm.. well in a way it does.. nevermind abt it then.. today is the 4.. 4 day into the new year.. but i dun see my luck changin at all.. i serious dunno wat the fuck is happenin to me.. i think i was curse u know.. mabbe i am... sigh.. n there r things no matter how u dun wanna think abt it u still do.. sigh.. hmm.. it sound like i am full wif problems.. but i dun really think so.. i mean which person out the doesnt really have a problem.. even the rich do.. but of cos it wun be money related.. haha.. sigh.. i think there r time u juz wanna sit alone sumwer n be wif yurself n try to figure out wat is wat actually n were r we suppose to be or suppose to be doin.. it juz feels tat way but then it doesnt help at all.. haha.. anyway i am lazy to type adi.. so i wud be signin out abt it.. till we meet again.. haha.. damn gay man... haha

2004

hmm.. for all i know 2004 was a bad year for me.. well i do think it was a bad year for me le.. er.. seriously it is.. failed my final sem n have to retake another sem.. then tat sem also i didnt do well oni got a damn 3 rd clz.. wat the fuck man! 3rd clz.. wat a loser man... then my invesments was all a flop! i mean really a flop! nothin is smooth for me man.. then was out of love! as well.. er.. duno man.. it seems like i was goin thru so damn hard n bumpy road.. which keeps winding n it new seems to be good at all.. well mabbe juz a bit bit b4 the next turn comes u n go straight down.. haha.. sounds bad huh.. sigh.. but wat do i know.. i guess u can say mabbe ppl out ther is worst than me.. but y muz we alwiz compare wif the worst n not the better wans.. like he is doin good le wan cant i be like him.. hmm.. mabbe i guess it makes a feel better in 1 way or another wen we compare ourselves to the worst wans.. mabbe i does.. but then i dun feel any better also wat.. rite.. i mean it is wat is it.. u cant blame it.. life is like tat.. it suxs.. n u have to live wif it.. nothin is easy in life n it wun get any easy rite.. haha.. well but then wen i c other ppl it is like they r gettin it easier than me.. mabbe it is juz the outer look rite.. who knows.. i guess nobody really know abt everything.. but now it is 2005 adi.. so lets hope for a better year! haha but my mum said it wud be a bad year for the chickens.. n laz year was a better year.. aiks.. better year for me.. wow.. then i guess tis year wud be like hell for me.. haha.. die man.. well juz hope everything goes well... seriously hope it is.. haha juz get reminded tat wen ppl say tis is not so bad then things really got worst! wow.. not a good situation to be in.. haha... eh how come i dun have new year resolution wan.. hm... does it really works ar.. i dun think so man.. juz sum cover up to make us prove to ourselves tat we wan sumthin good in our lifes but we cant seem to do it.. so y bother.. haha.. yeah wat.. i mean u know u wun do it..juz to make it out so tat u tried it n it didnt work, it makes u feel better huh.. haha.. people can be so lame sumtimes.. i guess i am also lame rite.. if not y am i doin this.. lame sucky! haha now tis is really stupid.. callin yurself lame n sucky.. no wonder nothin is good for me man... haha.. hmm.. dunno la.. juz hope tat 2005 is good for me.. tat is all.. dun wanna expect so much adi.. the more u expect the more dissapointed u get.. it is juz like tis.. haha.. sux huh.. yeah.. dun really wanna write too long cos i feel like sleepin adi now.. quite sleepy actually but juz tot tat i mite finish this up then go to sleep.. well.. wat r my concerns now.. work.. yeah... gettin a job.. next wud be er.. my investments.. er.. no le.. i think wud be me out of love.. haha.. nope i am not talkin abt gettin myself another target but er.. haha.. need i say more... u guess yurself... sigh.. cos i guess mainly wud be me gettin a job ASAP.. then get marnee n a place to stay.. investments also depends on me gettin a job.. so i think JOB!! oni is the main target now.. haha.. n as for out of love.. er.. let things take it place.. y bother so much abt it rite.. hehe... i think so.. haha.. dunno la.. juz think of gettin a job wud be enuff la.. k then.. i know i main thing is job.. tat is all.. bubye! can sleep now...

2 months n still jobless

well as u can c tat i am still jobless.. anyway i am juz lazy to write anythin here.. cos i think nobody wud be bothered to read it.. well i think nobody knows abt it.. er.. okie then.. except for the few ppl i told abt it.. haha.. anyway i am still JOBLESS! n it sux!! i need the marnee man.. yeah.. who doesnt need the marnee rite.. sigh.. wat to do.. *crossing my finger* better lucky next month huh.. yeah.. new year means new luck rite.. i guess so.. hey have to say sumthin to make u feel better rite.. :P anyway wat esle is goin on.. hmm.. nothin good i guess.. sigh.. life seems so sucky for me.. well i know my name is sucky but tat doesnt mean it has to be sucky for me rite.. y cant it be good huh.. hmm.. muz be sumthin to do wif the name thingy.. dunno also.. sigh.. i seems to be sighin quit a lot rite.. yeah.. i guess i juz cant stop sighing... sigh!! ther i go again.. hehe.. hmm.. well if anyway notice my nick in msn these few days or week or 2.. it seems quite weird like i am in sum kind of deep shit.. n sound sad.. well i guess i was.. er.. i mean still am.. hehe.. cannot tell y.. bleh! secret! hehe.. juz know tis.. in the end it doesnt really matter at all.. hey tat is still in my nick in msn.. hmm.. takin from linkin park song.. in the end.. the song really means a lot wen u listen to it.. serious shit man.. it is like u can relate to the song... n u know wat the fella is sing abt.. haha.. kind of stupid huh.. but it really feels like it u know.. sigh.. hmm.. sum ppl say tat music heals the soul.. not wen u r er.. how to put it in a nice way... out of love i think.. haha.. okie.. well dun like to love songs wen u r out of love.. cos it will make u even more sad.. serious shit man... haha.. tot the songs r suppose to cheer u up.. mabbe it was the wrong kind of songs to listen to at tat time.. haha.. but serious DUN!! well i guess it juz makes u feel better i think.. haha dunno also le.. hey.. not abt me okie tis wan... :P oh ya.. ther was another lesson i learn.. well i mean from sumbody.. is tat ther is a beauty in luvin sumwan even thought u r out of love tat is anyhow u also wan the other party to be happy! haha.. wonder tis now.. y sud u wan him or her to be happy wen they make u so damn sad! no fair rite.. haha.. stupid ppl do stupid things.. tat is wat i think.. but then i deep down inside u also u feel happy for the other party wen they happy.. er.. guess u dunno wat i mean... haha.. cos i also really dunno wat am i talkin abt.. rubbish i think.. but then tis i my website so i can say anythin i wan to.. n nobody out ther is goin to stop me.. try if u may but u cant! hmm.. wat is tat sayin... dunno really remember it properly but then i think i goes sumthin like tis... words will not hurt me but sticks n stone will.. er.. i dun think this sayin is true really cos sum words will do hurt ppl.. n sum words really do leave a mark in ppl's heart but then wat do we know.. cos we r not the wan hurtin inside rite.. haha.. i think i am full of rubbish man today.. mabbe cos i think i am a bit crazy.. haha.. yeah i guess so.. hmm.. better dun stay up so late anymore.. hahah fat chance! hehe... it is my life wat.. :P sigh.. eh.. i tot i was talkin abt gettin a job.. haha.. how come it suddenly came to tis topic wan.. n it seems like it is goin round n round also.. haha.. i think i better get to sleep! then mabbe tomorrow it will make sense or mabbe i will write sumthin tat make sense.. haha.. if i do write tat is.. u know.. lazy ppl like me.. haha.. yeah.. cos it the end it doesnt really matter wat! haha.. really love tat phrase...

1 month later

hehe.. 1 month has pass by adi.. seems fast rite.. but it isnt wen u r bored.. n guess i am still jobless n havent been to any interview.. sigh.. i oni been to 2 interviews n ther was no reply untill now.. cos i suck in interview rite.. or mabbe i am juz not good enuff.. mabbe i am not.. well hopin to get a job soon le.. really can grow mushrooms like tat.. so f**kin bored.. but wen frens r around time seems to pass by so fast.. sigh.. juz the boring me i think.. n yeah i know boring is wat u make out of yurself oni but then if u r bored n tryin not to be wat can u do.. sure u can suggest millions of ideas but i aint into it i think.. so u say then u yurself make yurself bored oni wat.. yeah i guess i myself make me bored oni.. well wat to do i am juz a boring fella like i said before.. hmm.. dunno.. well juz chill out oni.. wat choice do i have.. eat, sleep, watch tv n go out.. hehe will become a pig soon.. haha..

sucky me

it is thurs adi.. quite fast huh.. yeah... did nothin recently also... was juz chillin around n using my frens streamx to dl the oc.. hehe it is nice le the series but then my hardisk is full adi so cant dl anymore.. so sad.. haha.. muz really get d streamx man.. then i can dl all the series n comedies wanna c.. hehe... cool rite.. yeah it is.. anyway i am still here cos i wanan check my results.. n u know wat.. MY RESULTS REALLY SUXS!!!!!!!!!! yes it does.. now it means no more 2nd lower for me.. juz a stupid dumb 3rd clz.. who wans to hired n damn 3rd clz stupid ass anyway... it is adi hard findin work wif 2nd lower.. now 3rd clz.. WTF man.. wat a wonderfull world huh.. sux la... sigh.. lazy to write adi le.. wat to write anyway.. everythin seems so dull nowadays... haha.. nothing much is goin on anyway seems so bored man no interview also.. sigh.. wonder how cud it improve ar? i also dunno man.. dun wanna think too much abt it.. come wat may.. haha.. do i sound crazy? i guess i am a bit but then not really crazy also.. haha nah forget abt it..